Maybe it’s the calendar turned to August.
Maybe it’s the marks on the wall that are higher than ever.
Maybe it’s the fact that none of his shoes fit him anymore.
Whatever it is, I feel myself scrambling to spend more time with
I want to sit down just to watch him think.
I ask him to tell me jokes just to hear him laugh.
He’s such a person.
A really neat, really complicated person.
And he’s worth it.
He’s worth watching. Worth studying.
Worth all the love and patience and grace and discipline it takes to be his Mom.
He’s perfect and fallen. He shows me myself – for better or worse.
Being his Mom has taught me volumes about my relationship with my Heavenly Father. All that grace and provision and patience and unconditional love – I want to learn to love like Him.
Loving him means dying to myself – setting myself completely aside. I learn it over and over again, and then I forget it.
It means putting aside my projects to listen to him chatter while he paints, and playing that third and fourth game of UNO or soccer when I really just want to take a moment for myself.
There are good days and there are hard days as a parent. Sometimes more one than the other.
Some days I want his bedtime to be my bedtime and the thought of starting all over again in the morning is nothing short of daunting.
But he’s going away soon. He’s going to be a kindergartener in just two weeks. Our lives are never going to be the same.
I got to have him at home for almost six years. I got to be his Mommy however I chose. I knew these first years would fly by and they have. And now in a sense (a very real sense), I’m sending him out into the big bad world. (Well, it’s not so bad…not in kindergarten… right?)
I’m scared. And sad. And peaceful. And excited. And a big jumble of mommy emotions.
So, please pardon me as my presence online is a bit sporadic these next couple of weeks. I get 14 more days with this kid before he straps on that backpack and I plan to spend them asking for jokes, painting circle rainbows, and dating this boy who’s one of a kind!
He is my good and perfect gift. God sure knows how to give, doesn’t He?
Awww, Raechel. Thank you for sharing. My complicated little one with bright blue eyes is starting kindergarten in five weeks. And turning five in four weeks. My goodness. You’ve inspired me to get out the paints tomorrow. And to not feel a bit guilty for spending time with her instead of cleaning my house. Bless you!
Hey Sarah! Glad to know I’m in good company. Best to you and your Mama heart this next month!
So precious. Made me tear up and think of my own 3 yr old blondie. Enjoy this time!
Ohhhh I’ve just loved watching him grow up on your blog. And this post just made me want to go grab my sleeping little guy out of his crib and squeeze him, because I know how fast the next few years will go. (I’m not going to though, because I’m sentimental, not stupid.) Prayers for your family in this next phase–I hope the next few weeks go by slowly enough for your mama heart to soak in a whole lot of Oliver!
Thanks friend. And it’s good that you’re sentimental not stupid :) You crack me up! Love.
What a sweet post…one that so many of us can relate to. My baby is going to Kindergarten and it’s amazing how time flies. It’s amazing how I look at the grace the He gives to us and want so much to give grace like that to my own children. Enjoy all of the chatter, and Uno, and painting and jokes!
Thanks, Kelli! Best to you as you send your little one off, too!
That first kiddo who starts Kindergarten is so amazingly hard! The first moments, when you drop them off in their classroom and you know you have to, and should, leave them there. It is so hard, yet so wonderful. The wonderful part? Being so proud of the boy your child has become. So grown up, and his own little person. (A person who can share the love of Jesus with other kids. Which is really neat!)
Anyway, we’re not that far removed from those first early days of school. Much love, friend. I know its hard.
Raechel, this is BEAUTIFUL!! You have captured the essence of time fleeting and how important it is to savor the moment(s) while you can. Oliver is unique, spirited, and wonderful in his love for life! He is blessed with two parents who love God and are determined to raise him with the love of God and family!
freaking paint brush over the shoulder. i’m his.
{sniff, sniff }I’m already emotional because my two girls start school in two weeks. While my youngest has her first year of Kindergarten behind her {last year} I have to say it NEVER gets easier. My oldest is going into 3rd {Gulp!} and it’s still so hard every year. I’m home with them every single day and then they are gone and my house has such a void. It’s easy to not appreciate all their funny antics and the life they bring into your home, until it’s missing for 8 hours a day. Enjoy these last few school free weeks with your boy!!!
Our oldest will be in third, our second will be in k and the smallest just turned one! Yes time does fly by!
It doesn’t get any easier esp. when they request that you DON’T walk them to their class cause they know where it is. (almost 3rd grader)
oh, I’m so scared of that moment! I distinctly remember the moment I was walking through the mall with my mom holding hands, spotted a friend and dropped my hand to my side. I’m pretty sure it might have crushed her but she never let on. It’s coming, and I’m going to hold on as long as he’ll let me.
Well, within reason :)
You have put into words everything I’ve been thinking for the last 13 years. The Boy has been my sidekick, my right arm, my pain in the neck, my dear one … and he keeps reminding me that he’ll be graduating from high school in five years … I keep telling him to stop telling me these things … we only have four more summers with him … we’re quite sure what to do with ourselves … grab that little boy and his beautiful sister and hug them for as long as you can.
Touching words. Beautiful photos. His eyes are so bright!
Going through very similar motions / emotions here… the babe of my bunch, my best pal & true love, is starting kindergarten this year. All day. Every day. Just like the big kids.
Big change in my life after having kids home with me for almost 15 years.
Savor each moment! Watch him shine & grow!
THANK you for sharing this! I’m sending my little one off to kindergarten in 2 weeks too and I am feeling the same way. I am sooo thankful I’ve been able to be home with her and really mouring the fact that the majority of her day will be spent away from me now. I know it’s “just” kindergarten but it feels like so much more that that to me!
You are a smart momma to take this time and do a self check. I am a mom to 3 beautiful kids. My oldest, entering 3rd grade soon, had his first week at sleep away camp recently. I wrote about it here http://abowlfullofsimple.com/mama-bear/ It was one of the hardest 6 days of my life. People always say how fast it goes and to savory it. sometimes i know that in my soul, other days i’m thinking ‘thank goodness’ Being a momma is the bestest job in the world, but for us sentimental ones, it’s also bittersweet to watch them grow. hugs to you and oliver today and always.
Rachael– Sending your baby to Kindergarten is a huge event. I am sending my third this year. I would love to tell you it gets easier but really I am so sad to watch my baby get big and become influenced by others. Savor every moment and enjoy Kindergarten. The questions, jokes and immense growth that comes is amazing you will love it. I get to watch and participate with many children as their teacher. It is a divine time of life!
You said so many things I’ve been thinking/feeling about MY BABY BOY starting Kinder too. It’s such a mix of emotions. Thanks for this post :)
It was so nice to read this! My oldest is only 3.5 years old, but she will be starting preschool for the first time ever this year and I get so nervous and excited all in one. Unfortunately, I did not get to stay home with her, but I am thankful to be blessed with her silly little ways in the evenings and mornings. I will try and cherish these last few weeks as well. Good luck to you and your precious little boy! Thanks for sharing this post! :)
I just stumbled on your blog, but I wanted to stop and say that you have a beautiful son! He has such gorgeous eyes, and I love his big toothy smile! (I haven’t gotten very far reading your blog, but I’ll keep reading!)