I get that “weird” is relative.
But honestly – this is a legitimate question on my mind these days.
When you have a new baby, it’s fine and fun to share a million pictures of your little nugget of joy. And, as your babies become toddlers, taking first steps, learning to talk (and cracking you up at what they say!), and wearing ridiculously large bows on their heads, again, it’s okie dokie.
But I have a baby that turned into a toddler that turned into a kid.
And all of a sudden, he’s a real person. (you know what I mean.)
And it’s no longer cute to take pictures of him crying, or in trouble, or in other vulnerable situations. And I’m beginning to wonder if it’s perhaps becoming less appropriate to share stories about his struggles or disobedience or the occasional public urination. (like I said… excellent story, not sure it’s appropriate to share…)
He’s six. And this is his life. And he doesn’t really understand that I share it so publicly. And I’m beginning to feel like maybe I need to start asking permission.
Are any of y’all facing this? That funny, tricky line that sneaks up on seemingly out of nowhere – when the baby that belonged to you is now a person that sort of belongs a little more to himself?
Above all, I want to be good to him. He is my priority and it is my job to shepherd him. And while all of the world gets to see his (very cool and interesting) life through your computer screens, it’s pretty hard to explain to him what’s going on on the other side of ours.
Please know, I have no intention of bringing my blogging career (ha!) to a close. It’s just a new little intersection we have come upon. I’d love to hear how some of you Mamas with older kids feel about and handle the aging kids situation?
Wow, this is such a good question and something I’m starting to think about too. As with everything blogging and social media, sharing (or oversharing) is something I’ll have to reevaluate every once in a while and adjust as needed. Just last night, as Joe climbed into my lap to snuggle, I took my phone out and took a picture of us. It was cute, but should I have just kept the phone in my pocket and enjoyed the moment without documenting it? I know that’s not quite what you’re talking about here, but I think about that stuff too.
No – I totally deal with that question too, Alysa! Like somehow not documenting a snuggle means it didn’t happen. :)
Like you said, though, I think it’s just a constant reevaluation. And probably granting more and more privacy to our growing people is something that will have to happen.
Still, it’s hard to spend a whole fabulous day with your family and not document it – even for the sake of posterity. But… sometimes those camera-free days make the best and most lasting memories!
YES. And S isn’t even quite as old as O but it is on my mind a lot. J and I are constantly evaluating our “sharing boundary” – like right now it includes no nekky/diaper pics, no tantrum pics, no posting about potty training even though it is hilarious. I think as a mommy blogger it’s something to be analyzed on an ongoing basis. Because our children are not our own, and remembering that they we are entrusted with them should always go before the words we speak/type about them. (A good rule of thumb I think is that if your kid would be embarrassed if you told that story in front of them to someone in person, then you shouldn’t post it online.)
I like that rule of thumb, Kayla Aimee. And yes, just constantly evaluating “sharing boundaries” and having them specific to each child is important. Thank you!
This is a great question and one that even as a mommy-to-be I’ve already been thinking about. I’m really interested to hear what others have to say about this because I obviously don’t know the answer.
Yup. Me. I have this problem and I think about it all the time.
I’m learning to ask my kid’s permission before I share a photo or funny story. I basically leave their struggles off-line. Period. However, I’ve always been open about the cute little things. They’re growing up now though, so I ask. Sometimes I’m bummed they don’t want me to share, but other times they surprise me by saying things like, “Hey, that would be great on your blog. You should put this on your blog.”
So…
It’s a fine line, a balancing act. Some days I get it right and others I fail miserably.
Best wishes as you find your balance.
~FringeGirl
This helps – thank you! I see that you have a 13-year-old. What are the ages of your other kids?
This is going to be such a good discussion! Personally I think it’s in both of y’all’s best interests to guard his life carefully online. The things we say online will follow our kids forever, and while I know you wouldn’t share something ultra personal and “bad,” I know with Weston (as he grows) I’m going to watch exactly what I say about him.
If its an encouraging or loving thing though? I say share away! What kid wouldn’t want to look back and know how loved he or she is?! :)
Hey Heather! Yes, excited about this discussion, too!
I try to think about what I would want, as an adult, to have been shared about me as a kid. While it is just a blog, it’s totally available to the world. And once it’s online, there’s really no guarantee you can erase it.
I think it would have been lovely to have lots of day-to-day stories and photos of my growing up years. Even the occasional “lesson learned”. But… I’m an adult now. As a teenager, I’m not sure I would have felt the same way – having my childhood be public.
I think one big thing is just from this point on, there maybe need to be some conversations. Several as he gets older. I really want him to feel like his person and his privacy are respected. Not to mention, I want to protect him from any dangers that might come from his face and name being shared online.
So much…
My son is 5.5 and I see the stop sign for this intersection coming up. I don’t have an answer or a solution so I’m just going to hang out here and see what you come up with, K?
You are a wonderful Mama friend, know that.
Xoxox
haha – no problem! :) Thanks for the encouragement though. I imagine that we have some conversations ahead of us, and some boundaries that will begin to be set in place. Especially with Oliver being school-aged now, he needs more privacy and I always want him to know and feel that I am his advocate and looking out for what is best for him.
You know I’m sporadic about posting, but a lot of that has to do with my kids getting older. I posted about THEM so often in the past–but now they are school-age and “real people,” just like you said. (I know what you mean. Even real people urinate publicly and have equally public tantrums. It happens.) It gives me pause, and I find that since my world revolves around them at this point in time, I don’t have much else to share. That’s okay. I’d rather be an itty-bitty blog than one that rises to the top at the expense of my kids’ privacy. (I’m thinking of one in particular that I occasionally read. This mom shares SO MUCH about her kids, especially her oldest who has some extreme learning disabilities. Why make that so public? How is that giving your son a chance?)
How do you feel about just pictures? I know that is what you’ve being doing a lot of lately: a picture with a short explanation of that moment in time. I think that’s an acceptable and fun way of keeping everyone sort of in-the-loop without violating his right to privacy. As long as it’s not a public urination picture. No explanation needed there!
Yes, just pictures is nice. And a good solution to over-sharing. I remember several years ago following one blog that was very picture-y (and very beautiful photographs!) but her children’s faces were rarely shown. Backs, feet, sides of heads, hands… just can’t even remember what the faces even looked like, though I’m sure she showed them occasionally. But is was beautiful and interesting and private and respectful. I forgot about her…
Oh, and ftr, I love me a good J, B, KPTB and H story with photos. I would be sad to see them go. Mightily sad.
I completely understand this struggle you are having in finding a balance. As an avid reader, I would take no offense to you keeping your son’s life to yourself and not publicize it. It’s such a personal choice and I respect whatever you decide. HOWEVER, I would thoroughly miss you showing us snapshots of his room (design ideas), the toys and activities he’s enjoying and the things you’ve been up to with him…you always have such fun and neat ideas.
Hey Jen!
Yeah, I think things can be more about me and what I’m doing as a mom/designer/wife/person with the kids as secondary cast members. They’ll always be there – this is/has been our family blog – but as they get older, they may fade a bit out of the spotlight.
I love love love your blog. To be totally honest here, I think a time will come when the “mommy” bloggers offspring do a search and may be mortified by what they find. That being said, I do love reading about your life and appreciate you letting me take a glimpse. Keep up the good work!
Hey Debra! Yes, the generation of “mommy blogger offspring” is growing up and it really does shift things! It’s my goal that my babies would be grateful and glad to have what I have written about them and their sister – like a treasury of their childhood.
I have gone through this myself. My son is 9 years old now. I started blogging when he was 4 because we were moving from FL to Nashville (my hubby’s job moved us there and has since moved us back!) and just wanted to document and have a way for all of our family and friends in FL to stay in touch. My son has a medical condition and has had many surgeries. I talk about it a bit on my blog (I haven’t blogged in months now so no need to look there! haha:) but I always wanted to be mindful of what and how much I was sharing. It’s his story. On the other side of that, I love looking back through my blog at the memories over the last few years of blogging. It really is a great way to document for yourself and your family. It’s a fine line Mama, I know you’ll figure out what works best for your family. :))
Hey Jen. Thanks for the input. You’re totally right – looking back on old blog posts and stories and photographs is one of my – one of OUR – favorite things to do. It would be sad to have less of that, or for it to show less and less of the older kiddo. Lots to think about.
Great discussion topic! I’m not a mama who blogs, but I work in communications/social media and the question of what and when to share online is a constant conversation topic. As a long-time reader, I’ve always respected how and what you share – it’s clear you have your babes’ best interests at heart! Most of us have a digital shadow (interesting research topic if you have a spare 10 minutes), it just starts sooner for this generation thanks to the joys of social media.
Wow I just started blogging and as a Grandmother I hadn’t thought of not sharing my daughter and granddaughters stories and photos. What would I have to brag about or share?
This is a great topic!! My child is 4 and I have blogged since he was born. My blog is tiny… Like 30 people, all friends and family so I don’t have to worry as much as you do. But, this post is getting me thinking… Do I share too much??
Just an idea you could always continue blogging like you do with less personal stuff about your kids and then have a “private” blog that could be used to document or scrapbook if you will. One that your family or whoever you feel comfortable with can view the more day to day stuff that you want to remember about your kids, but mot wanting the world to know. Then maybe you won’t feel like your kids are being exposed but will have the memory book for them later when they are older?? Thanks for posting this. I’m love reading all the comments and suggestions. Something to def think about!
It’s funny you should write about this because I feel like I’ve been having an internal conversation about this very thing for months and didn’t even realize it. I haven’t blogged nearly as much in the last year as I did before and I’ve been making apologies for it left and right. What I’m realizing is it’s just a natural progression of what I feel comfortable sharing at this stage of their lives. I blog so much more about my youngest daughter SK (age 2) than I do about E (age 6). I’ve documented all of those funny moments in the past, but a tantrum as a kindergartener isn’t nearly as “cute” as it was when she was just toddling. She’s even said in recent history, “please don’t put that on the internet!” I think as moms and bloggers we walk a fine line between documenting memories and sharing too much. I try to think about how I would feel looking back if it were my childhood on display and decide what is and isn’t okay to share. I think you are doing a great job and that O & H will appreciate being able to read their story so much!
i stopped blogging all together when my son was close to two years old & i share very little of his personal life on other social media ( i do share occasional pictures). the internet kinda scares me with all the crazies out there. a few instagrammers i follow recently posted some pictures of theirs toddlers/children (not babies) in the tub (pictures that we all take & love) and they were somewhat naked & exposing more than just chest high & i just thought that was a bit much to post for all the world to see especially since once it is out there it is out there forever. i believe you can share about your family while still respecting that your children will someday see the stuff that is out & as long as it’s not something that you wouldn’t want out there about yourself. does that make sense? :)
Have had those exact thoughts myself! Usually when our kiddos (we have 7 of ’em) get into the school age years, I post pictures, but not so many stories. The babies/toddler/preschool crowd get most of the “blog time.” But my older kids (12, 10, and 8) will tell me when they’d like me to “put that on facebook” or “put that on the blog!” They know I blog about our life and times, but I do feel that I need to protect their privacy as they grow. It’s a fine line, and one I’m sure you will grow into as your cute kiddos grow too.
i deal with this too. part of the reason i blog is so my girls will have this record when they are older. but it is tough. i want them to be able to read what i say about them, how i love them, how cute they are, how proud i am of them. but i don’t want it to embarrass them or to steal their story. it is tough. however i have found my 8 year old loves to read my blog. she has it bookmarked on our family computer:)
So, I have a child Sami who has neurofibromatosis (NF). We started a nonprofit the Littlest Tumor Foundation. He has been on posters, billboards, blogs, FB posts… He is the heart of why we started and continue to work so hard for a cure. I struggle, as you, with making his life public. I hope he grows up & is happy his mom worked so hard for his pediatric medical cause. One day, though, if he says -do not put my picture or write about me — I will stop. But will continue with the NF cause:)
I think it should be something that is thought of from conception through adulthood. Is a diaper photo that cute? Do I want a shirtless diaper photo of me on the Internet? No. Do I want a bath picture of me on the Internet? No. That is how I answer what should be shared and shouldn’t be shared.
I totally get where you’re coming from! My son isn’t even 1 and my blog is pretty small, but since his birth I’ve frequently thought about this topic. It’s still so odd to me that strangers want to read about our life, (even though I read and am very vested in other bloggers, ha!). I seem to go back and forth between posting frequently and not posting much at all because I always wonder if I’m striking a good balance of sharing vs over sharing. I would not blame you at all if you wrote less about, and showed fewer pictures of Oliver, but I would miss all your cute projects if you quit blogging all together. :)
When I was a kid (and a teenager), my dad did the then-equivalent of blogging about my mishaps: he vented about them to his friends at work. A lot. From the time I sat crying in the bathroom for a whole ballet class because I couldn’t do my own ponytail and was too embarrassed to admit it to any of my friends, to the time I sent my (very) used VW Cabrio airborne (who builds a snow-day skating ramp out of ice in the middle of the street?? the glare off of that thing made it blindingly invisible and, well, up and off I went), to the time I messed up badly one semester in college: he shouldered it all, and shared it all. The stories began innocently enough: my tendency to forget to wear underwear to school, particularly problematic on days when I wore dresses (I never passed up a good jungle gym), the colorful and ridiculous insults my sisters and I came up with in the absence of any knowledge of REAL insults. But somewhere along the line, they became personal, and damaging. The reality is, it’s hard to be taken seriously when everyone knows that your bedroom was still a DISASTER when you were 20 years old.
I work in the same industry as him, now. It is a male-dominated industry (I’m a theatrical carpenter – yup, all 5’0″ of me, and yes, I can lift that, whatever you’re pointing to – that’s always the second question people ask, after “what do you do”). I am one of few women and VERY few young women. It is an industry dominated by good old boys. And all of these guys know every embarrassing or (worse) just plain bad thing I ever did. I’m submitting the trucking payroll and someone is like “Hey, was it you or your older sister who used to eat ice cream in bed and then hide the bowls under your bed?” Yeah, great, now I look really professional. Again. :/ Please give me that raise I put in for. I promise not to leave ice cream bowls under my desk.
Obviously it’s a fine line. And there is a big difference IMO between diaper pictures (!! squee! I mean, really, I die) and stories about times that you were past the age of reason and still behaved unreasonably. It’s a gradient, really. But as someone who has to acknowledge, on a near-daily basis, that my dad overshared – a lot – I think about this quite a bit, too, when it comes to my fiance’s 3 and 6 year old boys. I don’t blog – lol like I could ever be that organized – but I do post in an online support community. It’s a fairly anonymous setting so I’m a bit more open with the things I share. But in public venues like FB (or – gasp! – in actual real life, at parties etc where I find myself grasping for an amusing anecdote to stave off social awkwardness for another few minutes) I tend to run on the side of undersharing, at least with the 6-year old.
I’ve felt the same way. My little guy is in second grade now, and things definitely have shifted for me. I’ve found, however, that I still talk about being his mom. That’s *my* story, and I can find ways to share that without sharing his story, too. Same with my marriage – I can tell my part of the story without telling his part, too. There are obviously some things that overlap and I have to decide, but I try really hard to stick to my story so I’m not defining other people in my writing.
the sense of “privacy” snuck up on me recently and when i read this post it put words into what’s been on my heart. i felt the same way with instagram and facebook. and i agree with a lot of the responses that whenever my son and i would have special moments, no doubt that i’d grab my phone/camera each. and every. time. rather than soaking it all up. i’ve seen him in moments of frustration because im trying to get him to pose or capture the moment. i would then get frustrated bec i didn’t want the “moment” to pass without “documenting” / “capturing” it. then i knew i need to consistently reevaluate myself with all the social media around us. i appreciate your heart on this and in this day and age where everything is so digital, its very important to constantly pray and ask the Lord to guide us and lead us and be discerning in everything we say, do, share or not share.
You nailed it! That is so true!
My children are ages 13, 9, and 7. The oldest does “censor” me to a certain extent. She will tell me if she feels something should not be on my blog. Hadley checks my blog daily, and once she asked me to remove a post. I did. It’s her life too. The two younger kids are not as private. The youngest one especially…he loves to be on the blog and will request that I post certain pictures. Even though Layton is only 7, he knows a lot more about the internet than one would realize.
I do worry that I post stories or sayings that will make them uncomfortable 25 years from now, but the truth is that in 25 years there will be some form of social media/blog/facebook/etc where they will post the absolute worst stories about me from their childhood. Ha!
Wow thought-provoking! My 7 year old saw a picture I posted on instagram (hilarious one of her wearing her litttle sister’s cupcake costume) and was m o r t i f i e d! She almost cried. This is a matter we need to take seriously. We are given the privilege and responsibility to create a safe and nurturing environment for our precious treasures! When I take a picture of my kids and they ask, “Are you putting this onliiiiine?” my heart sinks a little. Is this what my life is reduced to? Taking pictures to show the world how cute, hilarious, and interesting my children are? Documenting every fun moment to prove I am a creative, hands-on, loving mama? I am not generalizing here on this point (no fingers pointed!), only speaking to myself (I am not a blogger, but do use other forms of social media) because I know my heart’s inner motives! I share this thought because maybe another mama is feeling the tug in her heart, too. Sometimes I ask myself, “What ever happened to just LIVING!?”
I think a private blog is a wonderful idea for capturing those thoughts and memories that you would not want to share with the whole world. For myself, stepping away from the camera might be in order. I shudder to think that one day my children will look through pictures and mostly remember that I always had my phone (camera) on my person and I seemed more interested in taking that perfect picture than being there with them. What moments of pure joy – uninterrupted by a camera – am I missing out on because I am so desperate to try to capture it all for posterity’s sake? The truth is – it cannot be captured. I love how Ann Voskamp puts it, “And this is the only way to slow now down, to slow time down: it’s only when I fully enter into now, that the weight of being fully here can slow time down.” This post challenged the heck out of me — http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/02/the-only-way-a-mother-can-make-peace-with-time/
What a beautiful reminder to fully enter into each precious moment with our undivided attention and for that to be the (a) gift we give our children.
Oh goodness, Raechel, I didn’t realize how long my comment was! Sorry! Wanted to add something (really? after I just apologized?) – but this is fun.:) A way to collect memories on a sort of timeline… http://www.designsponge.com/2010/12/diy-project-vintage-postcard-calendar-journal.html
Yes! I love the postcard calendar journals!! I bought something sorta similar for Oliver a few months ago – a Q&A a day for kids book. Fun to keep track over several years :)
Hi! I really don’t comment, but I have been thinking about this lately as well. I have overshared on FB about my daughter’s potty training, looking for answers and support….but you forget when you are writing something as inconsequential as a FB status that those words will be there forever. I relly am going to have to start editing my instagram and other photo sharing as well.
I only have one young child, but I have to say, the idea of asking a young child if they are okay with a certain share seems like a house built on sand….what they might “approve” of at 5 or 8 or 13, might mortify them at 16…Although I now believe we can all interpret our childhood mishaps in the endearing light our parents did at the time…That probably would not be true for every age. I can’t imagine (because we were not raised in this public domain, blog-gy age) what would happen if the “mean” girls in high school decided to comb the archives of my history for more information with which to humiliate me…..Sorry, I might have made this a a bit more personal, but like I said, this has been on my mind too, and I am always guilty of oversharing on FB! Thanks for more food for thought!
This is a great topic! And I agree, these little babies that we consider ours turn into tiny adults so quickly. While it’s so neat to watch, it is also an ever-changing stream of learning!
This is just my personal opinion, so please take it for only that. After the toddler stage I’d limit what I share. It might not be weird for the reader, but I’m sure respecting your child’s privacy is so important. Yes – I agree with other readers that if they give you permission and you agree it’s ok – share away! But like the previous comment reads, I’d hate for someone to read through old posts to find something to use against them. Public lives have their place, but I don’t think they should be imposed on children who don’t have a say.
Ug, I feel the same way about pictures! You want to document every moment, I’m so with you others on that! But there are time I simply want to enjoy the moment camera-free. And those do turn out to be the best moments. I don’t want my kids to always see me from behind a camera, some is ok. (Who am I kidding, I have thousands of pictures of my kids!) But rather just enjoying them and embracing the moment.
Thanks for letting us comment and weigh in! Great topic!
I have two girls, almost 7 and 9. I used to have a personal blog in which 90% of my posts were about them. A lot of people from our church, family and parents of their friends would read my blog and get so much enjoyment out of my girls however it got to a point that they would constantly be telling the girls things they read about. The girls didn’t understand that they were enjoying them. They thought they were laughing at them and making fun of them. Needless to say, as they got older, they didn’t want funny pictures or stories of themselves where everyone could see it. Sometimes if I start laughing at something they do or so {Or GASP take a photo of it} they will ask if it’s going on facebook or my blog. :) Now to be respectful of them I usually ask before posting if it could anyway be embarrassing to them. I totally didn’t see this coming when I was documenting their lives in blog form when they were little!
Hi friend! Catching up on your family’s happenings. :-)
Yes, our boys are at that age where they start deserving some adult-like respect. I always ask Carter about what I write about him (which isn’t very much lately, sigh), and read it to him before I post it. He’s a part of the whole process. Lately, I posted about his gluten intolerance… I had to ask permission to share some personal stuff and asked him what he thought about it…he said he would love to help other kids who don’t sleep well get rid of gluten. :-) But I would imagine each kid is different. I don’t think Everett has a concept of privacy yet or embarrassment, you know? He just likes seeing picts of himself!
But I do know that you are sensitive and a good Momma, so I am guessing your heart and the Holy Spirit will direct you. :-)